Words That Sound Dirty But Aren’t
Although some words may sound naughty it doesn’t mean they are. Here is a list of words found in dictionaries that have respectable, innocuous definitions. However, be forewarned — make sure you use them properly.
If you grew up in the ’60s, you might recall National Lampoon’s hilarious That’s Not Funny, That’s Sick, released in 1977. The album contained 27 short comedy sketches featuring the voice talents of John Belushi, Richard Belzer, Brian Doyle-Murray, Bill Murray, and Christopher Guest. One skit, titled “Confession,” was very memorable. During confession, a priest reassures a parishioner that he’s “heard it all before,” leading to an increasingly colorful and absurd exchange of dirty slang words, specifically synonyms for the vagina. Finally, the parishioner uses a term, rhino-clit, which apparently crosses some line of decency for the priest: “That’s disgusting! That’s terrible! Nice mouth! You kiss your mother with that mouth? You eat with that mouth? Garbage mouth!” The skit ends with the two of them exchanging slang synonyms for garbage mouth.
This classic sketch underscores the fact that some words and utterances trigger a taboo in a way that others don’t, even if they mean the same thing. Our parishioner learned that even in a fast-paced exchange of colorful euphemisms, certain words and phrases just sound offensive in any context. With more than a million words in the English lexicon, this means that there are bound to be a few wonderful archaic words that feel like they should be out of bounds despite being completely innocuous. With that in mind, here are some titillating—excuse me, I mean, scintillating—words that sound dirty but aren’t. You can use them in any business or formal situation and indignantly brandish a dictionary if someone raises an eyebrow.
assart: a plot of land that was deforested for farming
bumfiddler: a person who invalidates a document by scribbling on it
butt shaft: a barbless arrow
carnificial: of or related to a butcher or executioner
clatterfart: a gossip; a blabbermouth
copula: a linking verb, also called a copular verb; the most common is the verb “be” that connects the subject with a noun complement (eg, chocolate is sweet)
coverslut: an apron used for gardening or cooking to hide dirt or stains
dick-holl: a ditch
dick-pot: an earthenware pot filled with hot embers, placed under women’s petticoats to warm their feet and legs while seated
dicky: a false shirtfront; a rumble seat
dik-dik: a dwarf antelope found in Africa
diptych: a painting on two hinged wooden panels that can be closed like a book
dream-hole: slender holes in watchtowers to allow fresh air and used by guards as a look out
erotetic: in linguistics, denotes subject matter pertaining to an interrogative, like rhetorical questions
fard: to apply cosmetics to the face
fartlek: endurance training in which the runner alternates periods of faster and slower running over natural terrain
fukmast: a ship’s foremast
fuksheet: the foremost sail on a ship
futtock: the curved timber used in a ship’s frame
hitty-titty: the game of peekaboo
invaginate: to put something inside something else (eg, a sword placed into a scabbard); turning something inside out
jerkin head: a partly-gabled roof
kankedort: a difficult situation; an awkward affair
knobstick: a walking stick
kumbang: a beetle insect with hard wing covers
macerate: to soften food by soaking it in liquid (Oreo cookie anyone?)
mammothrept: a spoiled child; an infant
manal: an adjective describing or related to the hand
masticate: to chew
nestle-cock: the last-hatched chick of a brood; the weakling of a brood
nobber: a boxer
nodgecock: a fool
penetralia: the innermost parts of a building; a hidden place
penetrance: in genetics, how a particular gene is expressed
peniaphobia: fear of poverty
pershittie: prim; overly meticulous
pusillanimous: lacking courage
scarpenis: slippers
scrod: a young cod or haddock used as food
sexfoil: a plant with six leaves or flowers
sextile: in astronomy, the position of two heavenly bodies that are 60 degrees from one another
slut-hole: a garbage can; a garbage heap
succulometer: a device that measures the moisture content of a vegetable
tease-hole: the opening, used for adding fuel, in a glassmaker’s furnace
tetherdick: thirteen of something
thallus: a blobby plant that lacks leaves, stems, and roots
titivate: to make smart or adorn
tittle: the dot above the lowercase “i”
tittynope: a small quantity of a tasty treat
uranic: of or relating to astronomy; in chemistry, containing uranium
Uranus: the seventh planet from the sun
vagitus: a newborn baby’s first cry; the crying of a baby
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